Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Your favourite joke?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Your favourite joke?

    What's your favourite joke?

    I came across this one today, very seasonal.

    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
    "In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said,
    "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
    The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.
    "You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
    The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
    Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".
    The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
    St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"
    The man replied, "These are Carols."

  • #2
    All my favorite jokes offend people.

    Comment


    • #3
      A priest is about to go into confessional when he gets paged on an important call. He asks one of the local town folk to fill in for him while he’s gone.

      “I don’t know what I’m doing” the man states.

      The priests tells him that it is simple. Go into the booth and on the wall is a list of sins. Match the sin to the correct prayers and your all set.

      The man goes into the booth and listens to the first sinner.

      “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I stole bread from the bakery” the first sinner states.
      He looks on the list, finds stealing and gives him the correct prayers to say.

      A second sinner comes in and sits. “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I coveted my neighbors wife.”
      He looks on the list and gives out the appropriate prayers.

      A third sinner walks in and sits. “Forgive me father for I have sinned. I was involved in sodomy.”

      The man looks on the list and cannot find Sodomy. He panics and pokes his head outside the confessional and grabs an alter boy walking by.

      “What does the father usually give for sodomy” the man asks quickly.


      “Usually two twinkies and a diet coke”.


      I love that joke

      Comment


      • #4
        Two Pretzels were walking down the street. One was a salted.


        Best joke ever.

        Comment


        • #5
          what do call a lesbian dinosaur...................a lickolottapuss

          what about a gay dinosaur.....................tyranasoreAss

          Comment


          • #6
            Since we're playing it safe, a guy opens his door and a snail is there. The guy picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. 10 years later the guy opens the door and the snail is there. The snail says, "The hell was that for?"

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by t-mav
              what do call a lesbian dinosaur...................a lickolottapuss

              what about a gay dinosaur.....................tyranasoreAss
              Ahh, classics. But I always heard it as "Megasoreass"

              Comment


              • #8
                One day, an old guy is about to walk out of a physical. Before he gets out, the doctor hands him a jar and says, "Bring this back tomorrow with a semen sample."

                When the old man came back the next day, there was nothing in the jar. The doctor asked him what had happened.

                The man said, "Well, I went home and I tried with my left and nothing happened, so I tried with my left hand. Nothing happened again, so I went and got my wife, who tried with her left hand, right hand, and her mouth. She couldn't get anything to happen, so she went a got a good looking neighbor girl. The girl tried with her left hand, right hand, and even her mouth, but none of us could get the jar open."

                Comment


                • #9
                  Huntster.



                  {sorry for the filth }

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by TacoBell61
                    All my favorite jokes offend people.
                    Yeah, same here. It's much easier to say an offensive joke in person because you get an idea of how others will react before saying it. But on a bb, you don't know who's gonna read it and how they may react.

                    That said, I think stereotypes are the best thing ever.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      who was the opposite of Christopher Reeves...


                      Christopher Walken!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        "How long must this go on? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?!"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ouch!
                          "How long must this go on? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?!"
                          ^excellent

                          What about?

                          "The Ladle was in the your bed"?

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My favorite joke right now is Michael Richards' new bit.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              So did you hear about the two antennas that got married?




                              The wedding sucked, but the reception was great!


                              Thanks.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X